Money Means Choices

There’s been a lot in the news lately which I have to admit has made me a little concerned, especially when it comes to money or financial literacy and women. This is coupled with a woman’s ability to live in a safe environment, free from domestic violence.

That’s what has prompted this post – how money gives women choices. The choice to stay or the choice to leave a situation.

I’m passionate about helping to make sure that women can choose the life they want, for themselves and their children. In the current environment of inflation and uncertainty, it’s especially important. Having the ability to make changes, to flee in an extreme situation, or move from a situation or job that is not serving you in a way that supports you, is important.

I often hear that money is difficult, or it’s uncomfortable to talk about, or you wouldn’t be able to understand it.  Whatever the money story is that you or others play in their minds, now is the time to challenge those stories and to replace them with stories that are more beneficial for your life.

So, when we talk about money security, money confidence, even financial independence, what does that actually mean?

Essentially, it means that we have the ability to direct our lives in a way that we want. Having the ability or the freedom to choose how we live, where we live, and in what environment we live, is what money gives us.

I’ve seen women who have been so frustrated, and have felt trapped in a relationship especially when they’ve taken time out of their paid careers (because having a child is basically a career in itself), but they are not earning money while they’re raising young children. That then makes a woman reliant financially on a partner or someone else. This dis-empowerment then creates all sorts of issues in that woman’s life. And this plays out in her self-confidence, self-worth, and also how her children see her.

There’s a ripple effect that happens as a result of that, and it can start to feel like there is no way out. The message I really want to get across, is that you can make your way out.

It might not happen instantly, but when you focus on the things that you want to change, you look at the money changes that need to be made, little by little you can get where you want to go. First and foremost though, you need to have a vision or view of what you want for your life. Feeling stuck, can lead to a feeling that you can’t even imagine the kind of life that you want, and even worse still, deserve.

Let’s look at how the energy of those thoughts impacts on what you can then do to make changes. Now a lot of the stories and the feelings of stuck-ness, or being stifled, become habits over time. And one of the things that’s being more and more spoken about habits is that it’s not simply enough to say “oh I’m going to change my habit”, and that’s that. That is extremely difficult, and it’s more than likely that you’re going to go back to the way things were.

What do you do instead? REPLACE the habit with something else! As an example, when it comes to eating, after dinner I would always reach for the chocolate. That was my dessert. To change that I would reach for prunes instead.  I know that sounds weird, but I really like prunes and their sweet. So instead of chocolate, I would reach for prunes so that then became the habit of my after dinner sweet. Now that is an oversimplified example, however it's illustrative of what it is I’m trying to say.
It starts with where you are now, having an idea of where you want to be, and the changes that you can make step by step. Rather than focusing on the chasm, or the gap that you see between where you are now and where you want to be, focus instead on where you are now and the next thing you need to do and then the next thing and then the next thing.  Take it step by step.

Once you start to see little successes or wins, or feelings of achievement no matter how small they may seem, you will start to become almost addicted to achieving that, which is great!  You can start to replace that money story that’s holding you back and you can take control of your life.

Choices you then have could be to change jobs, upskill and get a better job, or leave a relationship.  Or, you might start to feel more confident in yourself knowing that you’re not dependent financially on someone else and it takes the money stress out of the relationship.  That’s not to say it will take every stress out of the relationship but at least your personal financial stress might be lessened.

And that’s a good place to start. I’ve seen examples where the money aspect was such an issue that the person wanted to leave their marriage.  But, once they’d worked on their own money and got their finances to a point where they felt comfortable enough, they stayed in the relationship and worked on the other things that weren’t working.

It’s really a matter of you being the centre of your world, figuring out what you want, matching your money to that.  Then, little by little replacing the story that you’ve told yourself in relation to self-worth or money or intelligence or lack of time, or whatever it is.  If you really want to make changes, you can make it happen.  Believe in yourself, find the right information and support, and go for it!