Hi and welcome to this week's episode of Money with Alpha. Today I wanted to talk about something I'm quite passionate about, financial independence. It's been a bit of a recurring theme which I, I tend to base a lot of my podcast topics on. And a few weeks back I spoke to a group of women who belong to a a mastermind, for want of a better word, or a group and they're all victims of domestic violence. And that came up. And then I was approached by someone last week who was helping another lady who had a lot of financial control happening in her relationship, which was ending. And there were some really red flags that were that were kind of appearing as a result of, of some of the actions that her ex was, was doing. And whether you're male or female, financial independence is important. It's un. Fortunate that typically it tends to be you know, stereotypically of course, the woman who has sort of handed over control to set and speak, or has had control imposed on her financially by a partner. And this is something that I'm like, oh my goodness, we need to, we, we can all probably to a certain extent become a bit more financially independent or at least aware of what it means to be financially independent. I'm, I'm consider myself quite independent in general. I, probably a bit to my detriment financially. My husband and I have always kept our finances quite separate. The only thing we've ever had together was our home loan. And that I was like, that's enough for me. So I, so I tend to then take on a bit of the financial burden in relation to the family which, you know, there's, there's still balances here and there and you can't, it's not like you can take every single. My grandmother was a bit like this. She, you know, if you paid for lunch or whatever and you had to divvy it up, she calculated it to their scent. And I'm not saying do that because there's give and take in every relationship and there's ups and downs and everything as well. Especially when someone, you know, a woman stops work to have children or I've had friends where after the children were born the mum went back to work and the dad became the stay at home dad. And you know, it's, there's ebbs and flows. But generally speaking, when I'm talking about financial independence, there's a couple of key elements that I wanted to run through to. You can, you can sort of think of them as A bit of a mental checklist. The first and foremost is having a bank account in your name that you access, that no one else has access to. Just your name. You don't have to have a lot of money in there. And of course obviously it depends if you're paying off a home. And I realize some of this might not necessarily be entirely financially logical, but this is where the emotional aspect around money comes in. But having that bank account at your discretion for whatever. So putting, even if it's just 5% of what you earn in there, or just have, have that there as your own little safety net. And not even just as a safety net, just if you want to go and spend money on something and you don't want to have to ask for money or you don't want to have to explain it, you can just go do it. You know, I went out and this was how many years ago now. But I bought my camera and it was a $5,000 camera. Didn't have to explain it to my husband or to anyone. I just, that was what I wanted. It was my money. I went and got it and it fit into, I'd saved up for it. It was all, you know, the, it was one of my money pie slices that I used. But that was, and it felt very empowering to be able to do that. And also, you know what, I'm a grown up. I can, I can do this. This is, I'm allowed to do this. I don't need to, to justify it to anyone except myself. And then that's a whole different, you know, there's a relationship there. So having, that's the first one, having your own bank account. I'll run through them all actually and then I'll go into detail. So number one, own having your own bank account and access to that. Just you understanding where your money is going. And that includes retirement money, superannuation, wherever you happen to be, then making sure that you understand anything that you're being asked to sign. I will go into detail as to why I've made that one very important. And then fourthly, and lastly the ability to choose what you're spending your money on. So the ultimate goal here is to make sure that you have choice, agency and control over what you are doing. So this isn't about controlling others. And I get that in families, you know, quite often somebody is kind of like the bill payer. You know, you have all the, you know, where all the access to the, the bank details are. Because everything these Days are usernames and passwords and it's PIN numbers and access codes and you know, quest security questions or you know the multi factor authentication like this is just. There's so much admin that we've added to our world and I get that quite often there is a, a person in a relationship who's probably more inclined to, to either manage or want to do that. And that, so I'm not saying that that is removing your independence in any way. As long as you understand everything that's going on and that if you needed to you could access things. So this, this person so from a financial control perspective, so if it's in a situation allowed to see control access or anything, money and you're, you know, you're not allowed to really ask for it, that, that, that's heavy duty problems and there's, there's systems in place to try and help with that. I'd highly recommend you reach out to those if that's a situation that you find yourself in. The situation that kind of triggered this on Friday last week was for a woman who had been, you know, separating from her husband. He had complete control. She had to keep asking him for every piece of information. You know, didn't know how much was in different bank accounts, how much she was even being paid, had no idea of any of that sort of thing. And there were also a few things that she'd been asked to sign which she didn't understand and didn't really understand the implications of. And I think it's that's why I made that one of in the list too. So first thing, that bank account which I mentioned, understanding where your money is, like what bank accounts have you got? Where is your pay going? Where is. If you have a business generally your business should have a separate bank account. So making sure that you at least have access to that. If you've got personal money as well, you need to know where is it? Do you have an investments, do you have you know, if you've got an investment property. Although I did have a client once who's whose husband had an investment property overseas which she didn't know about for many years. I was like how do you keep that sort of thing quiet? And like anyway there's so there's things like this. So it's amazing what goes on. So you know what's happening and having that awareness and that knowledge is really like knowledge is power as they say. So if you relinquish that knowledge to somebody Else entirely. Then you're also relinquishing a certain amount of your personal power. But like I said, you can divvy up the tasks. You know, you might have somebody in the household who likes cooking, someone who likes cleaning, and you can divvy so that. So I guess that there's division of labor, but you still need to know where things are and at least have access. Like, my husband and I each have our. If you've ever read the Barefoot Investor, he talks about his fearless folder, which is a list of lots of stuff. And in ours, we've also got. Here are all of our, you know, the banks, passwords, usernames, everything. And we have it in a secure folder password locked. But we have each of. And then the challenge becomes keeping them updated because things change. You've got to change your password. Like on my phone, my daughter went to log into my phone and she's like, oh, mommy, what's your password now? I was like, oh, because I do like this face recognition thing now as well. I thought, oh, my goodness, what is the number? So there's a lot of admin that goes with this, which is why you have password managers to help with that sort of thing as well. So if you do have that, make sure that your partner has access or you've got access to the one he has. And obviously with relationships, there is a lot of trust there. And if there's not enough trust to be able to share those things, then that's. That's an issue in itself. But you need to know where it is. Your superannuation. How much have you got in there? What is going in? And it's also a good thing to check it regularly to make sure that your employer, if you have an employer, is actually paying it. If you're a business owner and you're relying on either your bookkeeper or your accountant to make those transfers, make sure it's happening. So it's also a good just self check to go. You know, even if you think, oh, I've got all this covered, just check some of the things and make sure they're the way they should be. Just like a little health check. Just go in and you're like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that looks about right. You can just do the, like the sniff test to start with and go. Does that kind of look right? Yeah, yeah. If it doesn't, just go why doesn't this. And then you go to go, and you're I had a. I had a friend once and his employer hadn't paid his salary one month and then super, for two months. And the only reason he noticed was because he went in to check something else. I think that we're applying for finance or I can't remember what the details were now, but. And that's how he found it. I thought, wow, we all need to be checking this stuff every few months. I do a full sort of portfolio financial check every quarter, so every three months. And I do it for myself. My dad, my mom, my husband do his own. I help him if he asks, but generally he's happy to do his own. And so I of have this rhythm now where, you know, like the, the week after the end of the quarter is when I do it all. And, and it, it feels good because then you kind of go, oh, yeah, I kind of know where things are. And then I'll do bigger reviews every six months. And then at the beginning of every calendar year, I tend to do more of a bigger overhaul as well, where I kind of have a little look at where my budgeting is going and if I got the right bank account set up and the percentages are all kind of working. But I did an interesting exercise recently, which is why it's important for everyone to do this was my retirement number. And I'd had kind of an idea. I mean, I'm in my mid-40s, so I thought, yeah, well, still, you know, It's. It's like 20 years away, potentially. Who knows? So it still feels like a long time away. But I thought, let me just see how far I am from that arbitrary number. And, and it is a little bit arbitrary because you don't know what inflation's going to do. You're trying to foretell the future, and no one can really do that with any great accuracy over time. So I kind of picked a number, calculated everything, and went, oh yeah, not that close, but not that far either. So I was like, all right, so now I just. Now I can kind of work backwards to go, what do I need to do? And I thought, oh, everything I'm already doing will get me there. So I'm like, okay, cool, let's just keep going, you know, business as usual. But if I hadn't done that, I would have started worrying about it. And then it just turns and churns and churns. So even, even if there's a. You don't need to look at this from a financial independence perspective. It is just good to give. You some peace of mind that you're tracking on track that you're heading in that direction that you want to. So that was number two, understand where your money is going. And that also goes for what's going out. People who control the finances are seeing what's going in and out and they're well aware of what they're doing. But if you're not on top of it, you might be going, why is there so little money in the bank account? Because it's going out. There was a story somebody told me last week about some friends that they had who, who lived in a rural area. And he was, had his business going and then, you know, one day he wanted to buy a golf cart to kind of get around the property. And his wife's like, oh, well, there's no money. And he's like, I'm lending all this money. What's happening to it? And then she sort of went through all the things I had to pay. He had no idea. So it can go in the reverse too? No, it doesn't have to be the women and the man. You can. It just is. This is a message for everyone really. But I'm particularly passionate about making sure women are financially independent. And but I thought if that would have been reversed, you'd be like, okay, so where, where is all the money going? And it does, you know, things are a lot more expensive. Like I, I had to actually point out to my husband a little while back. I was like, well, insurances are all going up, the groceries are going up, petrol is going up. Like there's, you know, all of my, our daughter's activities and school fees, everything was going up. So. And because he doesn't do a lot of the, the paying and the spending and that, he had no idea. He's like, oh, oh really? Okay. I was like, yeah, you hadn't noticed? And I think he sort of been in his own little bubble with his stuff and hadn't recognized that everything was going up, not just the things that he would buy at the hardware store. So having that knowledge is important of where things are going because it also gives you an idea of where you can make some adjustments if you need to. If you want to go on a holiday and you're like, well, we need to save up however much money to get there. And at the moment we're not saving enough to get there. Get us there in the time frame that we want, then we need to make a few other adjustments in the spending aspect of our Budget, or we look at making more money, or both. So it just gives you a bit more ability to make better choices and decisions. So that was number two. Now, the signing one, which is number three, is extremely important. If someone gives you something to sign and they don't want you to read it, that is a red flag. We should all. I get that. A lot of the times we all have to just tick that accept terms and conditions button, because who's going to read all of it? I get that. Im talking about where, you know, there was. I was again, I was talking to somebody this morning only. And a friend of theirs, the husband had racked up like, a hundred thousand dollars worth of debt in her name. And I was like, how is that even possible? And apparently it's because he'd forced her to sign documents which were loan documents, to purchase things. Like, I think one thing was a boat. And and I was like, oh, my gosh, to be coerced like that to sign something. And in that particular case, she probably even knew what she was signing. She just had no. Didn't feel like she had a choice to not. And that is also an issue too. So I would definitely suggest, if something like that is happening in your world, reach out to somebody that you trust. If you can't directly contact the organizations, like financial counselors or whomever else you might need to in order to have that conversation, reach out to someone you trust and have them do it on your behalf. Its It's important to. To understand at least, and at the very least be allowed to read and know what it is that you're signing. So don't just feel like you have no choice. And that no matter what justification the other person gives, if you don't want to sign something and your gut is telling you something's off, trust your gut. So, and. And the same thing even just goes. Even when it's not even in a coercive situation, if you're being given something to sign and you don't understand it, you have to ask the question. And I realize in some cases that is difficult. Like, for instance, loan documents. There's pages on pages of legal jargon that. What on earth does it mean? A. I would suggest finding the right lawyer. I have a wonderful lawyer that I recommend. I'm so excited. I found her because she is human and a real advocate for her clients and explains things in plain English. It's just amazing how much we hide behind jargon. And I find in the financial world, that happens a lot to hide behind things. And you go, oh, it's just this. It's just. I was like, it's just nothing. If you can't explain it in plain English, then you probably don't understand it either. Which is why when you're investing in things, I always recommend you invest in something that you actually understand. So there's so many things. Like there's things I don't understand as I. Well, if I want to understand it, then I have to go and get myself educated. If I don't really, then I just won't invest in it. So yeah, so that's. Make sure you know what you're signing. It's very important. And then finally the ability to choose. That's what money gives us. It's a freedom of choice, what you want to spend your money on. Like I said before, if you wanted to go and buy a. Well, in my case it was a $5,000 camera. Or if you want to go buy something that is meaningful for you or will help even the household, you shouldn't have to justify things like that. Making sure that you've actually got the money to buy it as well. This isn't about, you know, I saw recently there were these after pay sales and I just like, oh my gosh, just on principle, I just hit delete. Delete. I'm not even even. There was one thing, I was like, oh, I actually do want. I'm not buying it at an afterpay, so I'm going to wait until it might go on another sale or I'll just pay full price for it. But I refuse to feed the machine on the whole, you know, buy now, pay later thing. I was like, no, not happening. So that's, that's just my own personal choice though. But still understand what it is that you want. And then if you can afford it and you've put your money aside for it, then go for it. But ultimately money is the tool and it's not the tool to happiness. It's just an agnostic thing. And we can turn it into something that can help, or we can turn it into something that can keep us feeling stuck and guilty and shameful. And that is, that's probably the most impactful thing from my perspective, is that I want everyone, particularly women, to understand what is it that you want out of life? The money just becomes the facilitator. Help that happen. But how do you, like, do you want to save for your kids? Do you want to go on holidays? Do you want to just have a small, smaller house with a smaller mortgage? And just, you know, have your family close? Like, I see some houses. I remember years ago, my dad bought this really big house and it was actually just he and his ex wife at the time. And I thought, what do you need such a big house for? You've got two of you. Youre not going to have lots of people come and stay. It's just a lot to clean. Do you just not want to be in each other's company much? And you can be at one end of the house, choose at the other. I think for them it was a status symbol. And if that's what we're doing and you know it, you're doing it, okay, fine. But you got to understand that there's the financial consequence that goes with that. And equally, I've had people say to me, oh, they actually want a smaller home because they want their family to all be together. They don't want the kids to have too many places to kind of go and hide, have their own space in their room. Yes. But have some nice, you know, communal areas where the family can just be together even if they're not talking and actively doing something. You can just be sitting and reading a book. You can have a movie night together. You can actually spend some time. So think about the lifestyle behind it rather than the thing itself and the money aspect of the thing. So there's, it's changing our perspectives on, on what money can do and why we actually want money. Because it's so easy to fill up a house with stuff. I was just thinking the other day, I was like, that's the only good thing about moving house, is that you have to, like, really critically look at thing. And I've been doing that room by room for the last few months, going through our house looking and going, would I take that on a move? That's kind of like my benchmark at the moment. I'm like, no. Okay, gone. So we were supposed to have a curbside collection a few weeks ago, but then the cyclone here canceled that. But now, like, I was literally just about to go and do a major overhaul around everything just to get rid of it. And I thought at some point I actually bought some of this, some of its presents and gifts and other things. I was just, why did I even, you know, what is it for? Too much stuff. Anyway, I'm going on a little bit of a tangent. So ultimately Financial independence is something to think about at the very least and to strive for if you feel you can. If you feel like there's blocks holding you back. Have a look back at. I've done some master classes in relation to money mindset. I've got some free recordings on my website. Ill put a, I'll put a link to, to one of the latest ones in the show notes in case you want to have a look at that. But it's, there's usually something else underlying it. If there's an element of control that's preventing that financial independence, that's a different issue again. But if it's, it's just plain and simple avoidance and like I'll get it to it one day. There's usually going to be. And the procrastination generally comes because we're not clear and it also can triggered by the fact that there's stuff from our childhood that we're hanging on to. So you can work on that side of things first. But knowing that the goal is independence and how to do that by having your own bank account, that one is quick and easy to do really. And then looking at where your money's going, like even if you don't have access to the bank accounts right now, ask your partner for the login details and just go in and have a look. I have things on my phone, like I have the app on my phone. So it's really easy nowadays to actually have a look. And most banking apps will actually give you like a bit of a graph as to spending was up this month or you're spending in this area a bit more this time and you know, so there's a lot more diagnostics that can help you there. And then signing, please be very wary before you sign anything and make sure you understand it. And then ultimately choice, make sure that you have the freedom to choose. And that's where your own bank account comes in to choose on the things that you, you want. Because life is to be enjoyed. Yes we don't need lots of stuff but it could be an experience. It could be your favorite singer is coming to town and really want to see them and your, your, your partner hates them and they won't. And rather than making it an argument, you can just find some girlfriends or you know, you can even go on your own if you really wanted to. And then get the ticket and then you can go have some fun. So ultimately that's what money is for. It's to help facilitate the lifestyle that you want. So I'll leave you with that. Bit of. Bit of a. Bit of a deeper. Huh. Heavier topic today, but I feel like it's important to. To share. So if you have any thoughts or you have any questions, please reach out to me. You can send me an email or find me on socials and I'll put the socials links in the. In the show notes as well, if you're not already following me. Okay. Have a lovely week.
